The Beginning of my Journey

When your told that your daughter isn’t going to make it and your just prolonging her pain, what do you do? Are you suppose to just give up on her after three days, or do you become her biggest advocate? ┬áThe night that my team pulled my mother aside to explain to her that the hospital had run out of resources and couldn’t do anything else for me was the night she fired all of them. She spent the next ten hours on the phone calling anyone and everyone she knew to find someone who would me take me as their patient. Eventually she found an adult cardiologist who was willing to try and save my life. He explained that he couldn’t promise anything and that he didn’t know if he could but he was going to try his hardest. The next step was figuring out how to safely get me to him. That evening I was supposed to be air lifted to the hospital but due to severe weather the helicopter was grounded so we had to go with plan B. My cardiologist put a team together to go pick me up by ambulance. My mother was told that there was only a 50% chance of me making it alive to the hospital.

I arrived safely to the hospital and the new few weeks were really touch and go. He tried me on several different medications and discussed what surgery would be the best option for me. Finally he decided to do an IABP in hopes that it would help take some pressure off my heart so it wouldn’t have to work. A week had went by and I still wasn’t getting any better. The doctor was starting to become very concerned and didn’t know how much longer i would make it. I was added onto the list to receive a heart transplant and he had also made arrangements to put a pace maker in. The day before I was suppose to have surgery for a peace maker, I ended waking up.

When I woke up I wasn’t able to speak and I didn’t know where I was. I had thought that I had been at home laying in bed. I had been unconscious for three weeks at this point.



Shes letting him destroy her

I’m so disappointed in myself, I promised I would never let a man treat me the way you do. I promised myself a long time if I could beat my demons and face the world again in sobriety that I would love myself again. I would stop hating myself so much and blaming myself for everything that went wrong. I didn’t survive destroying myself inside and out to let another person do it to me. Yet, here we are and I ┬áhave let you have control over the way I feel. You love to verbally attack me over everything and then tell me well if i would learn to respect you then you wouldn’t have to speak to me like a dog. Funny thing is I don’t even think you truly understand the meaning of “respect”.